Archive for August, 2012

August 11, 2012

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“there is nothing greater than ones own. there is not one thing greater than the ones who love you. there is nothing greater than that of an emptied full heart.”
she said to me thru paper written letters. envelopes with ink stained smears.
i sit. stare. i didnt understand.
emptied full?
corners were bent in my mind over this. emptied full. i let silence actually soak in.
its raining outside. doesnt it always seem to rain when these corners form.
the pack of eight coyotes howl and wine. I know so because they lounge in my yard at midnight.

the owl hoots.
i smiled at the memory of husband’s laughs in the darkness of a man-filled blanket covered bed as I lean out the window and hoot back.
we have genuine rhythm that owl and i.

emptied full.
the candle flickers with gentle vigor. this toddler scratched old wooden table wobbles when I collapse in hands propped up by elbows.
midnight comes to angrily.
pulling annoying baby hairs back and slamming internet life drainers closed, I visualize the words “emptied full.”
and then His voice booms in with the thunder.
the true Thor.

emptied full. when the only pennies left are given to the tired man on the corner.
emptied full. when i have nothing left and still get out of bed to sooth scared boy.
emptied full. when words release and emotions hang in the balance of fear and relief.
emptied full. when gratefullness and guilt sink in together like ink and water at the smell of man. ones deeply loved don’t have this.
emptied full. when i realize how selfish this body and mind are and crumble at the humbleness of every. single. blessing.
emptied full. when heart is swollen at the thought that having everything is nothing to Him.

emptied full. when He takes my thoughts and repleces them with His.
emptied full. when He takes His Hands and pulls out of these cracked chest bones the embers of passion.
emptied full. when He looks deeper in my eyes and sees what I can’t.
emptied full. when he whispers, “you will be with me when I burn this world.”

 

emptied full. knowing this is not my Home.