“arms, take your last embrace…”

I flipped thru the archives of my soul like a dusted book from my childhood and I held onto to the smiled that splintered my face.

Then beauty began to resinate thru my bones and every one thing I laid my eyes on, let my ears hear, became something universal.

Something I could breathe in and swallow.

I let words I read move me. 

I let beauty fall into my eyes and I drenched them in water of depth and appreciation.

I heard voices sing.

I read poems giant authors scribbled.

I clasped these lashes and saw a world made of clouds. of a boulevard made of gold. of faces full of peace and mercy. of happiness.

pure happiness.

I stretched out these new arms and tried grabbing onto everything I felt. of the colors He saved for His world. of the love…

the love I still dont quite understand. of the love I know I will only understand until I get there. and then probably still wont.

just wont understand. how. or why. how He could love this. this world of weary flesh.

How I just want to be there. and take everyone with me. I cant wait to just step thru the gates like a lost child.

I cant wait to hold up the line and just let it all sink in. to  close my eyes and whisper, “I’m Home….”

I cant wait to watch my little one run past me. to watch Him bend to His knees and scoop my little one up.

Maybe then the drums will thunder. the harps will vibrate. the chorus full of every voice will belt songs with every amount of volume they can put forth.

This will be the most perfect moment. This will make me cry. and I will cry.

and He will walk up to me. Take His perfect and everso green thumb and push the tears away.

Maybe He’ll wink at me. Maybe He’ll tell me, “I told you so. My silly little girl…” Maybe I’ll laugh. nervously.

I already know the first thing I’ll say to Him. If I can speak. He’ll probably beat me to it, but hopfully, I can tell Him first that…

“I always loved you. Always.”  and then nervously pour into, ” I know I never acted like it, that I wrecked this skin you put me in, that I ruined every chance you ever gave me, that my faith is the weakest thing about me, but I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…

I love you. I do.”  

Maybe, I’ll beat Him to it. But something tells me that once His eyes meet mine, I’ll be forever gone. I’ll literally run into Him. 

Forever falling into His arms and crying so hard it breaks the new body He just gave me right in half.

Something just tells me….

I know this will happen.

I already feel it happening down here.

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