and I love you forever –

>Our Carter Levi was born on Thursday, Decemember 2nd, 2010 at 10:44pm by c-sention in Oceanside, California. He weighed 7.9 lbs and was 19 inches long.

And hes perfect.

On the morning of the 2nd, at 4am, I woke up needing to go to the bathroom, when my water started to leak. I did everything in my power to not get extremely excited… for all I knew, I just wet the bed lol. But, I called my mom anyway and told her that I thought my water broke, that I was going to get in the shower, and see if it really was my water. She asked if I was having contrations, but at the time, I wasnt having any. I took the shortest shower of my life and headed straight to the labor and delivery unit. My Parents and in-laws were on their way!

I got into the elevator with a Doctor, as soon as I asked him if the L&D unit was really on the 2nd floor, my water BURST. I mean, BURST. I tried to hide it, but there was no denying it.. Carter was definately on his way. He obviously noticed -luckily at the same time the elevator doors were opening to the 2nd floor- and he said, “thru the doors.. RUN RUN RUN!!” He was great and made an awkward situation, not so awkward.

TMI – I left an amniotic fluid trail into the exam room.

They had me dress in those gorgeous gowns and got me all set up and comfy in room 2. I started having small contractions, so they examed me and said I was 3 cm.

I was estatic! I was so excited and so ready for him to be here, I had the delusion that it was going to be a piece of cake and that he’d be here in no time.

I was so wrong.

after about an hour, my nurse came in and told me she didnt like the way I was contracting and decided to put me on pitocin. I was too excited and I just wanted him here that I said to hook me up!

Pitocin is poison from hell.

I immdiately started having contractions every 10 minutes. I recieved an epidural, I laid back, and relaxed. Pure heaven. In a few short hours I went from 3 cm to 8. All my family had showed up at this point and was encouraging me to keep on going. I was fine up until the 8 cm mark. I was starting to feel some normal pressure that the anethesiologist told me I would feel even with the epidural. I got to 9 cm and stayed there for FOREVER. I was fully effaced except for one little part. The Doctors wanted the lip of my cevix to smooth out, before I started pushing, but they decided that the only way to get it to smooth out WAS to push with the help of a nurse. With a few short easy pushes it was gone. I was 10 cm and fully effaced. Carter was ready.

But my body wasnt.

I started pushing with no problem until I felt Carter move to the left side of my body. I knew something wasnt right. I started feeling intense amout of pain with every one of his movements. He seemed frantic to me. I kept saying, “somethings not right! Carter isnt okay!” The Doctors said that I was right and that he was face up and not aligned where he should be for delivery. They wanted me to keep trying tho. I was determined. So I pushed… and pushed… and pushed. My contractions were so intense and so quick that I didnt have enough time to catch my breath for the next 10 seconds of pushing. Between contractions I wore an oxygen mask to keep mine and Carter’s heart rate from dropping. I dont remember this, but my father and father in-law came back into the room. My dad told me later that I was trembling so bad that it looked like a was seizing in between pushing. My mother-in-law told me that the nurses and doctors tried to manually turn Carter face down, but there was nothing. When that failed they said it was time for an emergency c-section.

When they stopped the PIT I stopped contracting. The only thing that got me to 10 cm in the first place was the pitocin. They administered the rest of the epidural and started prepping me for surgery. I was genuinely relieved to have the c-section. Carter wasnt safe, I was in insane amout of pain from the position he was in, and even if I was able to delivery at that point, I was too exhausted.. the pitocin wore my body out.. I had become to weak.

They wheeled me in and started rushing with the procedure. I started to get pretty scared. The only person I needed in that room with me was tens of thousands of miles away… I started to cry and my shaking was only getting worse. Bob, the Doctor who took care of me and watched my vitals thru out the surgery, was everything I needed at that point. He was so comforting and talked me thru everything. Asked me questions to calm me and told me that everything was going to be okay. By that time my mom had come into the room. Its funny, but seeing her in scrubs was the first thing I noticed and was very comforting. I needed that. My mom and bob took perfect care of me… they were the saving grace to my fears. My worst fear was over my baby… my second fear was feeling them open me up.

I. was. terrified.

I kept repeating, “I can feel that.” In my mind, I needed them to know that I could still feel what was going on and wanted them to stop, but they hadnt even started cutting yet. I was so out of it. By the time I realized my body was numb from the chest down, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world…

Carter’s tiny little cries.

I couldnt control it.. as hard as I tried, I couldnt. I sobbed. Just sobbed.
He was perfect. Two eyes, two ears, 10 fingers and 10 toes. The doctor who performed my c-section said that he never made it past my hips.

My little piece of Gregory was here. finally. The shaking didnt bother me anymore, the pain couldnt make it past my pure happiness and relief, everything was as it should be. I FELT like a mother. I suddenly had purpose. reason. I belonged. For the first time in my life, I knew that what I had just done and will be doing for the rest of my life was good and right. I am Carter Levi’s mother.

and I love you forever.

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