>I feel as tho I cant break down this barrier between myself and a happier “other side.” I get itchy. I tug at my hair. I clean maticulously. I sleep. I don’t leave the house. I can’t shake these thoughts, these emotions, this pathetic weepiness. I can’t get them off me. I want to shed skin. I want to start over. I want to go over there and be with him. (I’ve come more than close to buying a plane ticket.) I know what I married into.. I know it like the back of my hand. I know I dont cope well with this. I know I have major separation anxeity. I love him tho. I love him more than anyone has ever loved anyone. We’re young and dumb and beautiful and intense and fantastically naieve about life. I would never choose the easier breathing, the easier life, the easier anything over him. “I’d rather be with you in a cardboard box than in a mansion alone.” He’d always say. I always told him. The crazy thing is, we both mean it with everything we have. I’d rather be in Afghanistan with him than in this house alone. I feel like Im trapped without him here. Like these walls confine me. I truly dont uderstand marine wives at all who have “fun” wile theyre husbands are deployed, I dont understand how they can sleep with other men because “they just got to lonely.” I genuinely cannot grasp how a woman, a wife, thinks she has it any harder than her husband does. He wants to be home just as bad as I want him here. He misses me and it kills me that I can’t fix it. I can’t do anything. I can only sit here. And wait.

I feel like I just walked thru a spider web and can’t get it off.


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