oh my little one…


Last night proved that in all unwanted there can be sweet moments. At these times I learn that the littlest things are what I take for granted most. Yesterday was a difficult day that scarred my calendar, but the inbetween, the black hours of solitude, made the waking hours of today, beautiful.
Last night, I tossed and turned, got up a few times to check the internet. Its become a problem.
went back to bed. phone in hand. nothing.
Carter was quiet, still, when normally at this point, hes moving and rolling. Listening to my voice. You might say Im losing it, but I know my son is already minding his manners. I’ll ask him to roll to the other side and he does. Maybe him and God both know what I need right now. peace and comfort.
But last night, there was no Carter tumbles. No uncomfortable stretching out. I missed him. I missed being uncomfortable. I talked to him, but he didnt wake up. I poked him a little and he didnt move.
So I sighed and rolled over.
In the middle of me slipping off into sleep, the phone rings. I looked at the number and I knew it was him. I answered and started crying, but only enough to make me catch my breath. My love has a hard time keeping it together when he knows Im falling apart.
We talk for only a few seconds when my baby within wakes up. He heard daddys voice. For the entire time me and my distant love were talking, our baby rolled and kicked and stretched. He punched and did somersaults. He pushed himself way up high and then way down low. They were happy movements. He was dancing. He knew it was his daddy. Its what our Carter Levi needed too. He needed to hear his daddy’s voice.
When our conversation ended, I felt little Carter roll over on last time and go to sleep. I felt that. Sounds funny to say… to be able to know my child, his thoughts and actions already.
I just looked at my ever growing tummy and daydreamed of the day I would actually see him interact with his father.
I dreamed of the moment Gregory will hold his son for the first time.
Then I realized that me and my child are feeling the same thing..
He misses his daddy too.

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